Me, Me, Me!

Me:



Ok, here’s the deal: it’s time for a more personal blog. We all have a story in the Ana movement, we are not born into a bad sign and suddenly become Ana or Mia. Reality is that I am fat, is simple…a statement of deep pain and frustration. Was I ever thin? Yes, I was and those were happy times. Not in a shallow way, but I was more active and I feel so much better about myself. Yes, there’s pride and some vanity in Ana/Mia but let’s get real…who isn’t concern with their appearance? If it wasn’t such an important issue then there will be no plastic surgeries, models will be everyone that chooses that career and there will be no sense of fashion. So, life and society show us that been pretty…beautiful…thin…perfect… is in fact important.


So, I was since childhood a normal average weight, not fat and not thin. Just in the middle, and it was ok when all that matter was games and more games. Then in high school I played in the volleyball team, I played soccer and walked every afternoon for at least 2 hours. So, obviously my weight got down and the clothes started to fit better and everything made sense. Then it was ok, little tricks made the difference: I didn’t drive my car to college, instead I walked 30 minutes to college and 30 minutes back home, I never took the elevator and I had classes in the fifth floor, plus I walked every afternoon for 2 hours and I also went on a diet: Atkins. That was a great time, I remember I step on the scale and it reached 100 pounds (remember than I am short, 5’1) and it was good for me. Then classes became more intense and the everyday life stress gets the best of me, before realizing I was at 150 lbs! Fat as a whale, I know. Depression set in as it didn’t matter which diet I followed, nothing worked. I kept gaining weight, and I got to my highest weight 210… no comment. Obviously depression has set in, I felt so bad that I used food as a comfort and not for nourishment; I ate just because I was bored, tired, sad… I hated myself; my reflection was the triggering image for my self-mutilation (cutting) and suicide thoughts.


Ana came to my rescue and I became motivated and although it is very hard at the beginning, I was noticing the changes and I was finally in control over something in my life. My current weight? 140lbs. although thanks to my abs obsessive workout I look like way less…muscle weight perhaps… My goal weigh? Let’s try to be back to 100lbs…


So, that’s my story so far…