2011... finally?

Soon a new begining starts with the New Year, so resolution??? No, not to be thin but to have the determination to stick to Ana

So, hope to start the journey with some of you!


To enter: send me an email (onlyeve@rocketmail.com )
Deadline: January 2, 2011



Name or Nickname



Location



Current Weight



Goal Weight







The "Battle" begins on Monday, January 3, 2011!











If you are looking for an active anabuddy and are serious, join me!

Courage -By Superchick







I told another lie today


And I got through this day


No one saw through my games


I know the right words to say


Like "I don't feel well"


"I ate before I came"






Then someone tells me how good I look


and for a moment


For a moment I am happy


But when I'm alone


No one hears me cry






I need you to know


I'm not through the night


Some days I'm still fighting to walk towards the light


I need you to know


That we'll be okay


Together we can make it through another day






I don't know the first time I felt unbeautiful


The day I chose not to eat


What I do know is how I changed my life forever


I know I should know better


There are days when I'm okay


And for a moment


For a moment I find hope


But there are days when I'm not okay


And I need your help


So I'm letting go






I need you to know


I'm not through the night


Some days I'm still fighting to walk towards the light


I need you to know


That we'll be okay


Together we can make it through another day






You should know you're not on your own


These secrets are walls that keep us alone


I don't know when but I know now


Together we'll make it through somehow


Together we'll make it through somehow






I need you to know


I'm not through the night


Some days I'm still fighting to walk towards the light


I need you to know


That we'll be okay


Together we can make it through another day






__________________

Songs!

World War Me - From First to Last





Let's starve down to the bone, we're looking better boney


Who needs figure anyway?


Stay with me, stay with me,


So I can dig my nails deep in your cave






It feels better now without control, oh girl,


You look better blurry angel


Why do we need to be sanitary


when the world's so filthy anyway?






Oh poor me, oh poor you, ohhh


Oh poor me, oh poor you, ohhh


Poor unfortunate child


I can't stop running away






I'm a one life, hopeless dirty animal baby


And I bow down to my feeble brain


Aberrated, primitive


Stay with me, stay with me






No food for weeks I've never felt better


We look better famished girl


Hightail to our lush escape,


And leave our filthy world away






Oh poor me, oh poor you, ohhh


Oh poor me, oh poor you, ohhh


Poor unfortunate child


I can't stop running away






I'm on the verge of self destruction


Suffering because of my selfish vices


I'm on the verge of self destruction


Suffering because I gave up on myself and everyone






Oh poor me, oh poor you, ohhh


Oh poor me, oh poor you, ohhh


Poor unfortunate child,


I can't stop running away


Poor unfortunate child,


I can't stop running away...




Skin and Bones - Foo Fighters



Lately I've been measuring


Seems my time is growing thin


Wind me up and watch me spin


Watch me spin


Watch me spin






Skin and bones


Skin and bones


Skin and bones don't you know?






Skin and bones


Skin and bones


Skin and bones don't you know?






I'm just skin and bones






All worn out and nothing fits


Brennevin and cigarettes


The more I give the less I get


But I'm all set


I'm all set






Skin and bones


Skin and bones


Skin and bones don't you know?






Skin and bones


Skin and bones


Skin and bones don't you know?






I'm just skin and bones X5






Deep within this frame of mind


Heart of hearts oh valentine


Tell my mom I'm doing fine


Doing fine


Doing fine






Skin and bones


Skin and bones


Skin and bones don't you know?






Skin and bones


Skin and bones


Skin and bones don't you know?






Skin and bones


Skin and bones


Skin and bones don't you know?






I'm just skin and bones X4






I'm just skin and hey!




Mr. Self Destruct - NIN






I am the voice inside your head


and I control you


I am the lover in your bed


and I control you


I am the sex that you provide


and I control you


I am the hate you try to hide


and I control you


I take you where you want to go


I give you all you need to know


I drag you down I use you up


Mr. Self-destruct


I speak religion's message clear


and I control you


I am denial guilt and fear


and I control you


I am the prayers of the naive


and I control you


I am the lie that you believe


and I control you


I take you where you want to go


I give you all you need to know


I drag you down I use you up


Mr. Self-destruct


I am the needle in your vein


and I control you


I am the high you can't sustain


and I control you


I am the pusher I'm a whore


and I control you


I am the need you have for more


and I control you


I am the bullet in the gun


and I control you


I am the truth from which you run


and I control you


I am the silencing machine


and I control you


I am the end of all your dreams


and I control you


I take you where you want to go


I give you all you need to know


I drag you down I use you up


Mr. Self-destruct




Me and Mia - Ted Leo and the Pharmacists






As I was walking through a life one morning


the sun was out, the air was warm, but


Oh, I was cold


And though I must have looked half a person,


to tell the tale, in my own version,


It was only then that I felt whole






Do you believe in something beautiful?


Then get up and be it






Fighting for the smallest goal: to get a little self-control


I know how hard you try. I see it in your eyes


But call your friends, 'cause we've forgotten what it's like to eat what's rotten


And what's eating you alive might help you to survive.


We went on as we were on a mission, latest in a Grand Tradition


And oh, what did we find?


It was Ego who was flying the banner, and me and Mia, Ann and Ana


Oh, we'd been unkind






But do you believe in something beautiful?


Then get up and be it






Fighting for the smallest goal: to get a little self-control


I see it in your eyes, I see it in your spine.


But call your friends,


'cause we've forgotten what it's like to eat what's rotten


And what's eating you alive, might help you to survive.






And even the nights, they could get better


And even the days ain't all that bad


And after a week of fighting, as more and more it seems the right thing






But do you believe in something beautiful?


Then get up and be it






Fighting for the smallest goal: to gain a little self-control


Won't anybody here just let you disappear?


Not doctors, nor your mom and dad, but me and Mia, Ann and Ana


Know how hard you try. Don't you see it in my eyes?


Sick to death of my dependence, fighting food to find transcendence


Fighting to survive, more dead but more alive


Cigarettes and speed for livin', and sleeping pills to feel forgiven


All that you contrive, and all that you're deprived


All the bourgeois social angels telling you you've got to change


Don't have any idea. They'll never see so clear.


But don't forget what it really means to hunger strike


when you don't really need to


Some are dying for a cause, but that don't make it yours.






And even the nights, they could get better.




Battlestar Anorexia - The Schoolyard Heroes






This disease will make your heart explode,


Melt your teeth and flesh down to the bone.


They took our blood now, baby.


Your kiss shall poison me.


They took our blood with no permission slip.


Darling, won’t you please…






Turn to stone! Turn to stone!






This disease will make your blood turn gray


Catch your breath and lay yourself to waste.


This is jet black field trip to the end of days.


They took our blood now baby, maybe some things never change...






Turn to stone! Turn to stone!






Time makes corpses


Of our moving parts.


You’ll see, when Revlon smiles steal your spotlight. You’ll be saved if you repeat my name.


Laid to waste ‘cause some things never change. Drawn and quartered like you wanted it, you’ll do as I please.


I carved your name into this pretty flesh: "You shall die for me."





Anorexic Beauty - Pulp






Sitting alone on a cold bar stool,


your cold, hard eyes make me feel a fool.


Pastel-white features,


high cheek-bones,


scarlet-blooded lips and deathly tones.






The girl of my nightmares,


sultry and corpse-like.


The girl


of my


nightmares.






Brittle fingers,


and thin cigarettes,


so hard to tell apart,


she hasn't spoken yet.


You put your hand on mine,


death white on brown,


those whirlpool eyes;


well, I begin to drown.






The girl of my nightmares,


erotic and skull-faced.


The girl


of my


nightmares.






Anorexic beauty,


feather-weight perfection,


anorexic beauty,


underweight


goddess.






Sitting alone on


a cold bar stool, your


so hard to tell apart,


she hasn't spoken yet.


Pastel-white features,


high cheek-bones,


scarlet-blooded lips and deathly tones.






The girl of my nightmares,


sultry and corpse-like.


The girl


of my


nightmares.






Anorexic beauty,


feather-weight perfection,


anorexic beauty,


underweight


goddess.






Big Isn't Beautiful - King Adora






I want your heart-shaped lips,lips,


Cooler hula hips,


I want to feel my bones on your bones,yeah,


I wear my heartache at my sleeve,


I love myself too much to see,


It haunts my dreams,


It haunts my every dream,






Every boy wants a body to die for and,


Every girl who's thin is his rival,


I wish I had a body to die for,


Skinny is sexy,


Big isn't beautiful..






I'm gonna shed me some skin,


Get me real,real slim,


I want to feel my bones on your bones,baby,


I am a teenage drama queen,


I throw my guts up for self-esteem,


It haunts my dreams,


It haunts my every dream,






Every boy wants a body to die for,


And every girl who's thin is his rival,


I wish I had a body to die for,


Skinny is sexy,


Big isn't beautiful,






Ohh,ohh,ohh,






Every boy wants a body to die for and,


Every girl who's thin is his rival,


I wish I had a a body to die for,


Skinny is sexy,


Sweet anorexia,


Skinny is sexy,


Big isn't beautiful



4st 7lbs - Manic Street Preachers






I eat too much to die


And not enough to stay alive


I'm sitting in the middle waiting






Days since I last pissed


Cheeks sunken and despaired


So gorgeous sunk to six stone


Lose my only remaining home






See my third rib appear


A week later all my flesh disappears


Stretching taut, cling-film on bone


I'm getting better






Karen says I've reached my target weight


Kate and Emma and Kristin know it's fake


Problem is diet's not a big enough word


I wanna be so skinny that I rot from view






I want to walk in the snow


And not leave a footprint


I want to walk in the snow


And not soil its purity






Stomach collapsed at five


Lift up my skirt my sex is gone


Naked and lovely and 5st. 2


May I bud and never flower






My vision's getting blurred


But I can see my ribs and I feel fine


My hands are trembling stalks


And I can feel my breasts are sinking






Mother trys to choke me with roast beef


And sits savouring her sole Ryvita


That's the way you're built my father said


But I can change, my cocoon shedding






I want to walk in the snow


And not leave a footprint


I want to walk in the snow


And not soil its purity






Kate and Kristin and Kit Kat


All things I like looking at


Too weak to fuss, too weak to die


Choice is skeletal in everybody's life






I choose my choice, I starve to frenzy


Hunger soon passes and sickness soon tires


Legs bend, stockinged I am Twiggy


And I don't mind the horror that surrounds me






Self-worth scatters, self-esteem's a bore


I long since moved to a higher plateau


This discipline's so rare so please applaud


Just look at the fat scum who pamper me so






Yeh 4st. 7, an epilogue of youth


Such beautiful dignity in self-abuse


I've finally come to understand life


Through staring blankly at my navel

Is X-MAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Merry X-Mas my friends!
 Can we wish for? We all know the answer... the determination and courage to achive our goals and be skinny and perfect. Well, I'm working on that, keeping the motivation at all speed and locking the mouth to all the treats... hard to do but it feels good. Remember, been thin is a skill.

Here's some Thinspo!

Now, keep the following in mind if you are thinking of eating like a maniac!

Story No. II: Ana’s X-Mas Carol

Story No. II: Ana’s X-Mas Carol



Once upon a time live a chubby girl named Trish. She was very cranky on Christmas because she feels fat, grotesque and depression makes her cry. On Christmas’ Eve she refuses to visit her family or friends simply because she doesn’t want to been seen like that; she knows people call that shallow but she calls it self-respect and pride. In her effort to control her hungriness she locks herself in her room and forgets about Christmas, cursing all the eggnog, chocolate and cookies that fills the atmosphere.


She goes early to sleep with tears running down her face. Close to med night she wakes up to see her reflection, just a little younger. “I’m the ghost of your past.” And with those words she sees flashes of her life and what makes her unhappy. She sees a little girl finding comfort in sugar, fat and food in general. People at school calling her a cow, she remembers the tears, the agony, the loneliness…






Then, she is transported to another place, there’s her reflection. “Present” the shadow says. Then, Trish has flashbacks of the media and how the industries are stealing her money and killing her with food. There in the middle of nowhere she can see her family with her skinny sisters having fun, she’s not been missed.






Then, another reflection a skinny, perfect self. “I’m Ana and I can be your future.” The image changes… she looks beautiful, happy, she laughs with her family, play sports outsides without fatigue…






After a few hours Trish wakes up, she looks in the mirror and hates what she sees…”No more!” she screams, “I want happiness… Ana…”

Mutilation's Top 10 Things To have!

Ok, first of all I'm Back!

Top Ten Food I can't live without!

10- Cup-a-soup Cream Of Chicken: 68 calories (keeps you full as it's a hot food)

9-Egg white: 17 calories

8-Multi-Grain Bread: 45 calories a slice!

7- Octopous in Garlic light Oil: Serving Size: 1/4 cup, Calories: 90

6- Prunes (4): around 36 cal. (keeps you full, acts like a natural laxative and is full of antioxidants)

5-Crystal light: 10 calories per bottle (now there's a flavor to help your metabolism)

4-Light Yogurt: 80-100 calories (kill every craving)

3-Light Chocolaate Whipped Cream: 30 calories for 2 tbs (kills chocolate cravings)

2- I can't believe is not butter spray: 0 calories!

1-Nescafe 3 in 1: add 1/2 cup water for a 67 calories coffee that keeps you full (awesome at noon)

Mutilation Presents: Tales of Two Worlds...
Ana Bedtime Stories

Every Friday!

Story No. 1: The Ugly Duck

The celebration begins at the table,

The rituals of a gluttony society,

The ugly ducky will starve,

Until the transformation begin…

Behind closed doors the water will clean,

Those dirty lips that society infected with maggots,

The family laughs as they detest her,

An overeaten piece of garbage…

She was ugly, no matter where she hides

In school she knew how to be invisible,

At home she was a prisoner of her room,

The mirror shows how ugly she was growing into…

Then it happen, the day she gave up food

In the mirror a reflection unknown,

The ugly ducky found her place,

Between Ana and Mia she has turn into a beautiful Swan…

A little bit of everything

ok, so guess why my account was disable in Facebook? Apparently supporting ppl in their diets is consider harassment or bullying. That's just so stupid! And what happen to freedom of speech??? 

Anyways, haven't been eating that much which is good news and just trying out new exercises. I love Christmas but hate all the buffet and the way people seem to literally eat Christmas. There's fat, sugar & more sugar & more fat... people usually gain around 10 pounds in Christmas, disturbing... according to my family perception and curses afterward... excuse me but nobody shove the food down your throat! and you are to blame! 

So, guess this is my home to just find support... the other site I visited turned to trash... so wish to not gain a pound over Christmas... even if you can't stick to fasting or Ana, make sure you don't gain! 

Facebook UPDATED

ok, this sucks. My account was disable out of no reason. I wonder why? 
I mean, don't we get a chance to talk? can't we connect with other Ana/Mia? 

I'm fucking upset! Did I lose all my friends???
:( 


ok, so find me here:  onlyeve@rocketmail.com

My PoEm

Ignored

I see the same faces of yesterday,

The empty guts of a bright promise,

The same complains and insults that tortures,

The image of disgust I’ve created while the world turns blue…

I feel the intense pain of yesterday,

The empty lips where no words are allowed,

The same rituals to petrify my spirit,

The image of hatred in the coldness…

Down to the core there’s no more,

Death inside and then ignored,

The throat burns when there’s no water,

The lack of calories won’t get me on my knees…

I smell the lies of a killing substance,

The empty minds of obsessive eating to block the veins,

The same gluttony of imperfection,

The image of beasts been played like marionettes…

I hear the sound of a singing stomach,

The empty hurt that satisfy the fashion industry,

 The same strong will that prevails as beauty,

The image becoming less and the bliss blossom…

Down to the core there’s no more,

Death inside and then ignored,

The throat burns when there’s no water,

The lack of calories will make me forgive…